A Season to Remember

Going into this season, I knew big things were afoot. This can be seen by my post on July 5, 2007 in the AE Zete Ning web discussion entitled "Predict the Illini 2007 Football record":

"Come on fellas, we're going bowling this year!Brad Stahl Guaranteed Wins (BSGW): WIU, Indiana, Ball State, NW. We'll also win at least one of: Missouri, @ Iowa, @ Minnesota. Then my bold prediction is a home upset of either Penn State or Wisconsin. That's four guaranteed wins, and then two others. I'm pretty sure it'll go down this way, and I look forward to revisiting this prediction throughout the season, I'm excited! Brother Hayward and I are going to every game but WIU and Syracuse."

Was I ridiculed for my belief? Mildly. Others predicted records like 3-9 or 5-7. I'll admit, even I did not realize that we could make the Granddaddy of 'Em All. At least not at that point. I realized the Rose Bowl was in my January 2008 future on one fateful day in the armpit of America, Bloomington, Indiana. That's where this happened:

Kittner's not really pissed off, it's the sun, I swear. Fucking Indiana. Anyhow, I told Kurt, I said, "Kurt, this is a big game today, we win here, get to 3-1 and we're in GOOD shape for a bowl." I could tell that Kurt wanted to spit in my face, He was still pissed that I made Him look at the sun to get the picture taken. Anyhow, He gave me this bit of advice which I've tried to live by ever since, "Hey, let's not put the cart in front of the horse now." Thank you Kurt. Maybe he didn't tell me we were going to the Rose Bowl explicitly, but he didn't say we weren't either, so, I figured that when the season is blessed with a Kurt Kittner meeting, more good things are in store..

While the Rose Bowl premonition came to me in the armpit of America, my faith in it was severely questioned in the asshole of America, Iowa City, Iowa on October 13. That day, as one would expect what with being in the asshole of America, was shitty. It rained all day. The tailgating blew. The parking was a mile from the stadium. There were people from Iowa (Assholes, Asshairs, and the dreaded Dingleberries) all over the place. Even the power of J Leman's father, Happy, who was sitting just 10 feet from us in the stands could not pull the Illini to victory. As we left America's Anus, I couldn't help but be reminded of the fateful words of Roxette,

"Every time I see you oh I try to hide away, But when we meet it seems I can’t let go, Every time you leave the room I feel I’m fading like a flower, Fading like a Rose, Fading like a Rose, Beaten by the storm, Talking to myself, Getting washed by the rain, It’s such a cold cold town, Oh, it’s such a cold town"

I was thinking to myself, Champs Sports Bowl here I come! I'll admit that I wavered in my belief in Kurt's Prophesy. Especially the next week when we decided that Michigan had gone through too much already this year with their horrible 0-2 start with losses to a high school team and a team that exists for the sole purpose of testing out new, cutting edge jersey designs for Nike. Poor Michigan, we'll just hand them the game. They have a knack for coming to Champaign and going home winners even though they do nothing on the field to earn the win. At that point we were 5-3.

But then something happened. Juice Williams figured out how to throw, continued to be magical reading defenses in the option, and even started seeking out safeties to steamroll! We won out, including a thrilling win at the Horseshoe against #1 The Ohio State University. Kurt was right, the Cart is now behind the Horse, and galloping briskly to Pasadena. May we never question Him again.