"In the year 2000!!"

A Rose Bowl twist on Conan O'Brein's "In The Year 2000!!!" bit.

- After 7 mediocre seasons bouncing around the NFL, Reggie Bush gets arrested on soliciting sex charges. After being released from jail on baill he is stabbed 17 times in the leg by none-other than Lendale White. During his testimony White confesses to the stabbing stating it was a crime of passion. "I won that damn Heisman trophy! I deserved it! But no, I paved the way for that poor excuse for a football player and he gets the trophy, the #2 overall pick and the dollars. What do I get? Mel Kiper Jr. telling everyone in America I'm fat!". After hearing the case the judge releases White with 50 hours community service. Fans in New Orleans applaud.

- Bush is never the same again. While never becoming the premiere back everyone, except ex-Texans GM Charley Casserly, predicted, his less than stellar numbers got even worse. His lack of performance, coupled with his crippling cough syrup addiction, forced him out of the league after just 8 seasons. Barely able to make rent, Bush decides to team up with newly released convict, former Heisman trophy winner and USC Alumnus OJ Simpson and quickly begin a fraudulent sports memorabilia store started with goods Simpson himself stole. The operation is just a front and the two were quickly arrested for armed robbery and possible connection to ecstasy trafficking.

- A prank by the Cal Bears, over privileged under scrutinized UC Rally Committee gone horribly well finds the USC Trojan band without instruments for an entire season. Fans around the nation, rejoice in the revelation that they will no longer have to hear the USC fight song after every snap in a football game. Bandos everywhere have silent candlelight vigils in morning. Suddenly, hate crimes on university campuses plummet to all-time lows, global warming ends, crude oil begins trading at under $10 a barrel, the middle east is in peace, the east has a new found love for the west, McDonalds decides to sell the McGriddle all day, everyday, for only a $1. The correlation of these events is still in debate.


More to come.......