I'm sorry, Rashard

The author, saddened by Rashard Mendenhall's decision to forego his senior season at Illinois, has turned to poetry to help him cope.

I’m sorry, Rashard, for the whines and the grumbles,
that escaped me when you were more prone to have fumbles

In a season, no Illini has had more six point scores,
I’d like to have biceps just half what are yours!

Your burst through the hole, your zig and your zag,
behind you did many a defender lag

A pitch you would take, then emerge from the line,
Oh the fear that would cross a poor cornerback’s mind!

And when in the ‘shoe, not your greatest of days
allowed Juice to throw touchdowns on 4 different plays!

Without you the program does not turn the page,
and travel out west to the sport’s biggest stage

A run at the Heisman sure would have been fun,
an award no Illini ever has won!

But you’re scampering off to the NFL,
I don’t blame you, that wallet is going to swell

So here’s one final message to take as you go,
And begin a successful career as a pro

I thank you for all that you did for us here,
now go give ‘em hell on Sundays next year.

More Photos

Mr. Scott Miller Collins' Rose Bowl photos can be viewed HERE. Thanks Scott. Keep the pics comin' everyone.

Illinois overcome by Announcer Favoritism and USC Star-Power, Alumni

One can hardly blame the Illini, already facing a SoCal team before a largely SoCal crowd in a SoCal stadium, for folding - like an aluminum can in one of those can crusher things my grandpa has in his garage - after two red zone appearances resulted in bizarre turnovers and USC touchdowns in the third quarter. With the momentum clearly shifting to the Illinois sideline after two third-quarter defensive stops of a previously hard-to-stop USC offense, split by a 79-yard touchdown scamper by Rashard Mendenhall, Illinois glory quickly deflated. On top of all that, Illinois had to deal with the attention-seeking alumni of USC (pictured below) who paced the sidelines in an endless search for camera time. The famed mugs were Ronnie Lott (dude who had his finger torn off during an NFL game once), Will Ferrell (who plays baketball player/coach/owner Jackie Moon in the February 2008 film Semi-Pro ), Marcus Allen (Heisman), Keyshawn Johnson ("Give Me the Damn Ball") and Matt Leinhart (Heisman).



As if that wasn't enough, the allegedly neutral ESPN GameDay announcer, Lee Corso, famous for his quasi-retarded antics, was seen sneaking the lame USC "V" sign (pictured below) while the lame USC band played and the not-at-all-lame USC song girls hotly did whatever it is they do.



I'd like to see a No-Ill rematch at Soldier Field with Dick Butkus, Hugh Heffner, and the inventors of SuperSweet corn and Craisins patrolling the Illini sidelines for camera time, while some senile announcer chanted the "INI" return call to the Illini cheerleaders' "ILL" shouts. Yep, Illinois probably would win that one - unless they still had as many stupid/impossible turnovers as they did in the real game.

Mendenhall Going Pro

Although we knew it was inevitable after his dynamic season, it's still tough to read this ESPN.com article reporting that Rashard Mendenhall will turn pro. Hopefully the Bears will get him, right after they sign Kurt Kittner as QB. Mendenhall had six games with 150+ yards rushing this year, including the Rose Bowl, and 17 rushing touchdowns. Check out all of his collegiate stats here.

Rose Bowl Trip Photos

Here's Ken's album.

Rose Bowl Pics

I posted the few pictures I took on the trip here: Jack's Online Photo Album, but I warn you, they are lame, so I'm counting on my other trip mates to make similar online albums and post the links, or else email me the links and I'll post them on here.

In Effort to Woo Heiress, Bahl Seeks Front Office Gig With In-n-Out

Frank Bahl announced yesterday that he is seeking to mix business with pleasure and will enter a front-office position with his beloved fast-food chain In-n-Out, the California-based burger magnate famous for its "animal style 4x4" burgers. So what is the motivation for the double threat's - law and accounting - westward move? Quite simple: "burgers," says Bahl. "The first time I stopped at In-n-Out in Barrrstow," croons Bahl, "I knew it was a special experience."

Bahl would not comment on speculation that his move was also motivated in part by the recent 2006 takeover by sole heiress Lynzi Martinez (pictured below left), who, at just 24 years is both rich and hot.



When asked what changes Bahl will bring to the company, his answer was once again simple, albeit vague: "animal style accounting." I guess the SEC should expect their next quarterly financials with extra thousand-island, mustard and onions? "Yeah, that's right," answers Bahl.

Quality vs. Quantity

I'm going to apply the age-old argument of Quality vs. Quantity in dissecting the celebrity rooting interests in the upcoming Rose Bowl. Rather than forming cogent arguments in a well-structured essay, I am going to list whom I consider to be important famous supporters of the beloved, and the others...


USC:

Adam Herbert - President of Indiana University....figures.

Neil Armstrong - First to walk on the moon

Baseball players: Aaron Boone, Bret Boone, Morgan Ensberg, Geoff Jenkins, Fred Lynn, Mark McGwire, Mark Prior...all of which have been accused of or rumored to be involved with steroids. Oh, and a giant Poofter.

Professional Golfer- Craig Stadler. I'll take the thousands of Chicago city workers that look like walruses over one golfer.

Dan Bane - President of Trader Joe's - Hippie

Chris DeWolfe - Co-founder of MySpace - as far as I can tell, he's not Tom

James Jannard - Founder of Oakley Sunglasses - making Brian Bosworth still look cool.

LeVar Burton - actor - was he Carlton? maybe Webster?







Sophia Bush - actress- dammit, she's hot




John Carpenter - film director- "Halloween" was cool...but that was 27 years ago.

America Ferreira - actress - "Ugly Betty"...I think my grandma likes that show.

Ron Howard - film director - Am I the only one who doesn't get why he's so revered?? Except that he was the narrator for "Arrested Development" and that show is the balls.

Matthew Lawrence - actor - Whoa! Oh wait, wrong Lawrence...this was the one with the dark girlfriend in Boy Meets World

John Wayne- actor- He went to college!??!

Dexter Holland - musician - Singer for The Offspring...enough said.

Mark McGrath - musician - Singer for Sugar Ray...more worthless than The Offspring

MC Lyte- rapper- She went to college!?!? What are the admissions criteria at USC...shitting on the floor??

Lisa Ling - reporter, former co-host of The View - she's hot too...anyone other than Scott watch Channel 1 in high school and remember her? But I have a thing for the Asians...





BELOVED:

Gene Hackman - actor/professional bad-ass - Bet he loves Grossburgers

Jerry Orbach - actor - Law and Order...da da dum - In the criminal justice system, the people are represented by two separate but equally important groups....

Ang Lee - film director- Brokeback Mountain....ummmm

Andy Richter- actor/comedian- This list is already better than USC's.


Alan Ruck - actor- CAMERON FRYE!!!!

Jim Cantalupo - CEO of McDonald's

Stephen Carter - CEO of El Pollo Loco and former President/COO of Universal Studios Hollywood- we've taken over LA already!

Robert L. Johnson - Founder of BET. Thank you, sir!

Michael P. Krasny - Founder of CDW. Employer of one Scott Miller Collins

Abe Saperstein - Creator of the Harlem Globetrotters

Ed Boon- Creator of Mortal Kombat - fatality!!

Jawed Karim - Co-Founder of YouTube

Fazlur Khan - Designer and builder of Sears Tower

H. Gene Slottow - Inventor of plasma display

Roger Ebert - film critic and way better than Siskel and Roeper...put together

Weather Forecast

LAS VEGAS

12/28 47° Partly Cloudy
12/29 52° Partly Sunny
12/30 54° Mostly Sunny

PASADENA

12/30 66° Sunny
12/31 64° Sunny
1/1 62° Sunny
1/2 62° Sunny

Never forget

Let's all remember how we got here. In my mind, the greatest moment in Illini history. :

Speculation: "Hang Time" coach Mike Katowinski To Appear at Rose Bowl

With the announcement that special “Illini personalities” will be appearing at the Illini Bash celebration occurring on New Year’s Eve at Universal Studios, speculation as to the identity of these mysterious Illini celebrities is widespread. This blog speculates that Fighting Illini football legend turned Hollywood actor Dick Butkus will be one of the celebrities appearing at Illini Bash.

Butkus is a hero of epic proportion in Fighting Illini football annals. As a center and linebacker, he was the Big Ten’s Most Valuable Player in 1963 and a unanimous All-American in 1963 and 1964. Between top 6 finishes in Heisman Trophy balloting, Butkus starred in Illinois’ last Rose Bowl victory, the 17-7 triumph over Washington in 1964. He later completed a storied career with the Chicago Bears and was elected to the Pro Football Hall of Fame in 1979.

After hanging up his cleats, Butkus turned to acting, appearing in many films and television shows. His first starring role in a network sitcom was Richard “Ski” Butowski in “Blue Thunder,” which aired for 11 episodes in 1984. Butkus starred opposite a young Dana Carvey and others as a Los Angeles police officer involved with a unit that utilized an extraordinary helicopter to fight crime.



For the remainder of the decade Butkus guest starred in sitcoms such as “Night Court,” “My Two Dads,” and “Growing Pains,” a virtual pantheon of 1980s television. The 1990s brought roles in football films “Necessary Roughness” and “Any Given Sunday,” as well as a three episode stint as Earl “Rocket Man” Dent in “MacGyver.”



Butkus may be best known to a younger generation of Illini fans as Mike Katowinski, the gruff but genial coach of the fictional Deering High School basketball team in the Saturday morning children’s television series “Hang Time.” The show, which starred Daniella Deutscher as Julie Connor, a female standout on a boys’ basketball team, was a formidable addition to an NBC lineup that already included Saturday morning heavy hitters “Saved by the Bell” and “California Dreams.” It is this blog’s California dream that come New Year’s Eve, when the Fighting Illini invade the land of movie stars, Fighting Illini and movie star Dick Butkus will be present to minister to the orange masses.

Illini Support

Who Needs Will Ferrell when we have this guy supporting us??!!

I felt compelled to add more sweet Nick Smith photos. Is that Hitler on defense? - Jack

USC Alum Will Ferrell rooting for Illinois in Rose Bowl?

Hollywood actor Will Ferrell, a USC alum, has been known to appear at Trojan football functions and watch games from the sidelines. So this photograph, showing Ferrell sporting a blue Speedo and skin of an orange hue, is quite surprising and raises serious doubts about his allegiance to his alma mater in the 2008 Rose Bowl. Let the speculation that Will Ferrell will be rooting for Illinois in the Rose Bowl officially begin.

Illinois' Rose Bowl History

I'm sure we all know this already, but by means of review:

January 1, 1947 Illinois 45 UCLA 14
January 1, 1952 Illinois 40 Stanford 7
January 1, 1964 Illinois 17 Washington 7
January 2, 1984 UCLA 45 Illinois 9
January 1, 2008 Illinois vs. Southern California

Game MVPs:
1947 Claude "Buddy" Young, Illinois (HB), Julius Rykovich, Illinois (HB)
1952 William Tate, Illinois (HB)
1964 Jim Grabowski, Illinois (FB)

There are three logical conclusions from this data: (1) Illinois always wins the Rose Bowl when it plays an opponent that it has not previously played in the Rose Bowl. Illinois has never before played USC in the Rose Bowl. Thus, Illinois will beat USC in the Rose Bowl. (2) Illinois never loses the Rose Bowl when it is played on New Year's Day. The 2008 Rose Bowl will be played on New Year's Day. Thus, Illinois will win the 2008 Rose Bowl. (3) Illinois running backs always win the Rose Bowl MVP award when Illinois wins the Rose Bowl. Rashard Mendenhall is a running back. Thus, Rashard Mendenhall will win the Rose Bowl MVP award when Illinois beats USC in the 2008 Rose Bowl.

Prediction

I am going out on a limb and make the prediction that the Fighting Illini will double their entire season total for interception return yards in the Rose Bowl.

We need someone to get a pick and return it at least 2 yards to accomplish this feat. Yes, the Illini have 16 interceptions this season, and 1 return yard.