I'm sorry, Rashard

The author, saddened by Rashard Mendenhall's decision to forego his senior season at Illinois, has turned to poetry to help him cope.

I’m sorry, Rashard, for the whines and the grumbles,
that escaped me when you were more prone to have fumbles

In a season, no Illini has had more six point scores,
I’d like to have biceps just half what are yours!

Your burst through the hole, your zig and your zag,
behind you did many a defender lag

A pitch you would take, then emerge from the line,
Oh the fear that would cross a poor cornerback’s mind!

And when in the ‘shoe, not your greatest of days
allowed Juice to throw touchdowns on 4 different plays!

Without you the program does not turn the page,
and travel out west to the sport’s biggest stage

A run at the Heisman sure would have been fun,
an award no Illini ever has won!

But you’re scampering off to the NFL,
I don’t blame you, that wallet is going to swell

So here’s one final message to take as you go,
And begin a successful career as a pro

I thank you for all that you did for us here,
now go give ‘em hell on Sundays next year.

More Photos

Mr. Scott Miller Collins' Rose Bowl photos can be viewed HERE. Thanks Scott. Keep the pics comin' everyone.

Illinois overcome by Announcer Favoritism and USC Star-Power, Alumni

One can hardly blame the Illini, already facing a SoCal team before a largely SoCal crowd in a SoCal stadium, for folding - like an aluminum can in one of those can crusher things my grandpa has in his garage - after two red zone appearances resulted in bizarre turnovers and USC touchdowns in the third quarter. With the momentum clearly shifting to the Illinois sideline after two third-quarter defensive stops of a previously hard-to-stop USC offense, split by a 79-yard touchdown scamper by Rashard Mendenhall, Illinois glory quickly deflated. On top of all that, Illinois had to deal with the attention-seeking alumni of USC (pictured below) who paced the sidelines in an endless search for camera time. The famed mugs were Ronnie Lott (dude who had his finger torn off during an NFL game once), Will Ferrell (who plays baketball player/coach/owner Jackie Moon in the February 2008 film Semi-Pro ), Marcus Allen (Heisman), Keyshawn Johnson ("Give Me the Damn Ball") and Matt Leinhart (Heisman).



As if that wasn't enough, the allegedly neutral ESPN GameDay announcer, Lee Corso, famous for his quasi-retarded antics, was seen sneaking the lame USC "V" sign (pictured below) while the lame USC band played and the not-at-all-lame USC song girls hotly did whatever it is they do.



I'd like to see a No-Ill rematch at Soldier Field with Dick Butkus, Hugh Heffner, and the inventors of SuperSweet corn and Craisins patrolling the Illini sidelines for camera time, while some senile announcer chanted the "INI" return call to the Illini cheerleaders' "ILL" shouts. Yep, Illinois probably would win that one - unless they still had as many stupid/impossible turnovers as they did in the real game.

Mendenhall Going Pro

Although we knew it was inevitable after his dynamic season, it's still tough to read this ESPN.com article reporting that Rashard Mendenhall will turn pro. Hopefully the Bears will get him, right after they sign Kurt Kittner as QB. Mendenhall had six games with 150+ yards rushing this year, including the Rose Bowl, and 17 rushing touchdowns. Check out all of his collegiate stats here.

Rose Bowl Trip Photos

Here's Ken's album.

Rose Bowl Pics

I posted the few pictures I took on the trip here: Jack's Online Photo Album, but I warn you, they are lame, so I'm counting on my other trip mates to make similar online albums and post the links, or else email me the links and I'll post them on here.

In Effort to Woo Heiress, Bahl Seeks Front Office Gig With In-n-Out

Frank Bahl announced yesterday that he is seeking to mix business with pleasure and will enter a front-office position with his beloved fast-food chain In-n-Out, the California-based burger magnate famous for its "animal style 4x4" burgers. So what is the motivation for the double threat's - law and accounting - westward move? Quite simple: "burgers," says Bahl. "The first time I stopped at In-n-Out in Barrrstow," croons Bahl, "I knew it was a special experience."

Bahl would not comment on speculation that his move was also motivated in part by the recent 2006 takeover by sole heiress Lynzi Martinez (pictured below left), who, at just 24 years is both rich and hot.



When asked what changes Bahl will bring to the company, his answer was once again simple, albeit vague: "animal style accounting." I guess the SEC should expect their next quarterly financials with extra thousand-island, mustard and onions? "Yeah, that's right," answers Bahl.